Your Eudaemonist Horoscope

Capricorn

(December 22 - January 20)
Weigh opinions carefully before making financial decisions. Treat your Aries friends the way you normally would.

Aquarius

(January 21 - February 19)
If you like art you should visit a gallery or museum. Be sure to stay out of dark alleys at night.

Pisces

(February 20 - March 20)
Romance may be a large part of your life this month, or it may not be. If you don't like your job, look for a new one.

Aries

(March 21 - April 20)
The moon in Orion will have no effect on your life. Your checks will bounce if you don't have enough money in your account.

Taurus

(April 21 - May 21)
Your psychic ability will continue to be completely non-existent. Your experiences this month will be wonderful, mediocre, or terrible depending on the choices you make.

Gemini

(May 22 - June 21)
Chances are you know someone else who is also a Gemini. This may or may not be the only thing the two of you have in common. If you have money you will be able to buy things.

Cancer

(June 22 - July 23)
Success will be yours if you have earned it. If you don't want to gain weight don't eat a lot of food.

Leo

(July 24 - August 23)
A promotion might be in your future or it might not be. Your actions this month will have consequences.

Virgo

(August 24 - September 23)
Asteroid movements through Gemini will have no noticable effect on anything. Any mystic crystals you have purchased will continue to remind you of the relationship between fools and money.

Libra

(September 24 - October 23)
Choose any one of the other horoscopes. This will be your horoscope too.

Scorpio

(October 24 - November 22)
This month the Law of Identity will still be valid. Humans will still have free will, and you will still be responsible for your actions. No amount of effort on your part will change these things.

Sagitarius

(November 23 - December 21)
You will continue to wonder, as Brian does, how anyone can take horoscopes seriously.

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